One big change that has occured since our return that has nothing to do with culture, is David's personality. I know many parents know what I am talking about, but I am surprised at how abruptly the 'terrible twos' came on in the past month. The change is very marked. No longer the happy-go-lucky child who wakes up humming a tune in the morning, his disposition is very sour, testy, and generally lousy.
As the parent of a an older child it is easier to recognize this phase. When Oren entered it though, we thought it was just the way he was, a very intense, easily frustrated little guy who spent much of the day in a bad mood. But low and behold, at the end of 5 and now 6 he is once again generally a very sweet natured happy kid. So I guess we can look forward to the end of the phase for David in about a year and a half. In the meantime we are bracing for at least one more year of tantrums with our last toddler. It is some small consolation to know that this too shall pass.
Actually, quite independently of this was David's (and my) health. Sadly, like the economy, we double dipped back into illness for most of the week after feeling we were on the road to recovery around Monday. In fact David was spiking fevers up to 104.5 right up until Friday. We did do several more Doctor visits and emailed our pediatrician at home for advice, but it all seems to have been pretty much a severe flu virus.
Because of this, David was home all week which put Rebecca and I back into an un-ideal 'tag-teaming' work mode rather than having mornings together to strategize on what we need to accomplish. In fact since I was under the weather as well, I stayed home with David most mornings except Wednesday.
The other significant break in routine came as a result of a large number of MCC people who passed through Bujumbura on the way to one place or another and spent a night with us. The first person to arrive last Santurday was Gopar Tapkida, our regional peace officer for Central West Africa (based in Nigeria). He was on his way up to Gitega where he was teaching the first unit of the Great Lakes Peace Institute. (an institute supported by MCC in Burundi as explained in this earlier blog entry: GLPI. )
Gopar did not actually stay the night, but did greet us on Saturday afternoon before heading for Gitega. Tim Lind, the MCC rep for DRC (Congo) arrived on Tuesday and was obliged to stay until Wednesday before heading to Bukavu in Eastern Congo. He was visiting some partners in Eastern Congo and found that coming from Bujumbura would be the easiest way to get there. I picked him up at the airport on Tuesday afternoon and brought him to our house for the night. The next morning he was dropped off at a matatu taxi that travelled to Bukavu from Buja.
Wednesday, despite my less than ideal health was a travel day for me as I had several meetings I needed to attend in Gitega. I needed to visit Innocent and Beatrice who run the Hope School for the Batwa as well as stop off at MiPAREC where the Great Lakes Peace Institute is held. I went up fairly early with Felix. We stopped at MiPAREC first and took in about an hour or so of the GLPI workshop led by Gopar before having lunch. I was pleased to see that it was running well and now that I have been here for 3 years, was not surprised to hear that the whole thing had begun a day late as no one arrived on Sunday evening as planned. (In Africa a start-time is more understood as a time to begin to end other activities to get ready to begin something new, not as an arrival time.) But other than that it seemed to be going well and they had some very experienced peace builders participating.
In the afternoon Felix and I met with Innocent and Beatrice to go over some financial matters at the school and then left town at 3:10 pm. Enough time to get down to Buja before dark as it is no longer considered safe to drive upcountry after dark in Burundi anymore because of rebel activity.
It is sad as this was the case when we arrived but it got better, now it is insecure again.
On Thursday we had another guest. Jimmy Juma, the MCC regional peace officer for Southern Africa arrived in town on his way to Congo as well. He also will be teaching at GLPI after Gopar so was eventually on his way up there. He stayed the night with us on Thursday and we put him on a bus to Congo as well the next morning.
On Thursday afternoon Rebecca and Janelle attended a dowry ceremony for a sister of Janelle's host family. Rebecca was our family rep since David and I were still sick. It is always great to see her dawn her traditional Burundian Invutano (like a sari as shown above.) Of course the photo was taken just moments before one of the women in attendance took Rebecca discreetly in the bathroom and 'readjusted' it completely seeing that Rebecca did not really have it on right.
The family is apparently very well connected to the Anglican church as many priests were in attendance and the Arch-bishop of the Anglican Church here played role of the 'Uncle' who negotiates the bride price with the husband's family. (A ritualized performance that is often quite amusing but steeped in tradition.)
Friday was fairly low key and David and I were both feeling better. In fact David went to school and I was able to swim and go to work in the morning with Rebecca. I worked as well Friday afternoon writing reports about my Gitega visit.
Fortunately our friend Naja was there with her 2 kids and we joined her for a bit and our kids' moods improved somewhat and the spectator family moved on. Then after an hour they were having great fun and enjoyed a long time in the pool. Oren decided to try the 3 meter platform again after not doing it for a year after he first did it. He went off of it about 25 times and made a new friend who knew just enough English to count off for him when he was jumping. 1...2...3...jump!
We finished off the evening by going to Ubuntu for pizza for dinner. Actually before we did that, we dropped Janelle at the wedding that was connected to the dowry ceremony I mentioned earlier.
Gopar has remained with us as he will be heading to Ethiopia with us on Wednesday for our regional meetings. (more on that later.)
Rebecca also has put in her own 2 cents about the experience of the week as well. Here is her report:
I have realized more clearly over the last three years what
a privilege health is. In the majority world – previously known as the third
world – mothers do not live with the assumption that their children will be
healthy and grow to adulthood. There is no sense that good health is an
entitlement – instead it’s a rare blessing. Partially this is due to the more
serious diseases which are endemic in the majority. But mainly this is due to
the poor quality of health care available to the majority of the world. It’s
unjust and terrible to know that many children die of diseases which could be
easily treated, if only their parents had the money to pay for good treatment.
But the parents don’t have the money and the children die. I hate this reality,
and ending this type of disparity is part of why we want to be here in Burundi.
But let me be very honest: in the past week, I have had
moments of longing to be back in the USA. As David went through several nights
of running fevers at 104 degrees and above, I longed to be in a place where I
could say, well “it’s either a flu or a throat infection.” I was wishing for the privilege of
living somewhere where malaria, typhoid and meningitis were not also on my list
of things to worry about. And then wondering if David’s sickness was one of
these last, where we would be able to get adequate treatment. Or if it was an
infection, would we be able to get an antibiotic that could treat it
effectively? Would we be sold a fake, or an expired drug? If we did a test for
a disease, would it be accurate?
David has now been well since Friday and I am so thankful.
Probably it was just another severe throat infection, something he could have
gotten in Poughkeepsie NY, too. It’s been great to see him eating in the last
two days (making up for almost a week of not eating). He’s been able to run and
play and throw normal tantrums, instead of just lying on the couch in a stupor.
But I know that even in this situation, we were able to access certain
privileges to help him get well. We bought a reliable malaria test kit in
Kigali for $4 (negative again) and used antibiotics imported by our
pediatrician, which are not available on the market here. The average Burundian
child could not afford to see our pediatrician, whose $20 consultation fees are
very expensive for here, compared to the 50 cents to go to a government clinic
and see a nurse of questionable expertise.
There’s something here that needs to be said. Our ideals,
the faith which has led us to live in a country like Burundi are all very fine
until we start to see one of our children suffer because of this. We aren’t
about to run home because of a week of bad back-to-school flu. But it IS hard.
I have felt very strained, knowing that David could have a serious illness
because of our choice to live here. Strained just dealing with the illness
itself. And also strained by the knowledge that I don’t have the faith or
courage in me to live in true solidarity with my neighbors. If my child is ill,
I am prepared, like any parent, to use every means in my power to help him get well, and yet I have so many more options available to me than even fairly middle-class people here, and I
can’t offer those means to everyone else around me. I hate the contradictions
within myself that manifest themselves under pressure.
Paul again:
I am hoping the trip to Ethiopia this week will be an opportunity to enjoy some great Ethiopian food. I have to admit, our schedule since returning has been more 50% travel which means we have not been able to keep our very thoughtful routine in force. Sadly there is no end in sight after we get back as the weeks between now and Christmas all have some travel for one or the other one of us every week.
BONUS PHOTO
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| Artwork by Oren. It is Martha the talking dog, his hero, who he saw for the first time this summer on PBS kids in Baltimore. |
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