A Jolt Back to the Other Reality

Burial site of the Reverend Pastor Moise (Moses) Bigirimana (1963-2012)

I usually begin a blog entry 'in the moment', to put my state of mind into perspective as I reflect back over the past week. I fear today I have really let much go by in an albeit short span of time. We are, to begin, back in Bujumbura. It is about 10pm on our 3^rd night back (we arrived Wednesday night). It has been a long day for me, primarily because I found it important to attend a funeral that was held upcountry in the town of Kibimba. The deceased was very sadly the recently elected Legal Representative of the Evangelical Friends Church, The Reverend Moise Bigirimana. He was only 49 and one of the precious few PhDs in Burundi. Besides his work at the church he was also a Sociology Professor at Hope Africa University. It is a great loss for the church as he was a promising leader and the transfer of power to install him was tense.  The church is in a somewhat vulnerable state again with this loss. Since he had his office across the hall from us we saw him frequently. His death was unexpected as he was killed on a motorcycle enroute to an upcountry parish. He leaves behind a wife and 3 children, one was born just last week. The prematurity of his departure was further higlighted for me by the fact that the service and burial were held at the exact place of his inauguration just 4 months ago. (My blog about it here.)

It is a hard thing to come back to. MCC is under the auspices of the Friends Church and changes in leadership are a bit unnerving for us. But even more, it was a real jolt out of the honeymoon vacation in the US and back to the reality here where death comes unexpectedly most often and culls the young as quickly as the old. In the month of our departure this is actually the third tragedy. One of our Rwanda advisors lost his wife (under 50), a Ugandan MCC colleague lost his 2 year old daughter, and then Moise died this week. It is quite possible that all of these deaths could have been prevented if they had access to a health care system as advanced as ours. (All died in a hospital). I used to be outraged about this, but now I feel something like resignation. Death is accepted here as an unexpected visitor, life is seen as a gift, and the assurance of Resurrection into Eternal Life is a hope one clings to daily.

Birthday cake at Dulles

We really did enjoy our month off, and I even did feel some tinge of regret at the end of our vacation as we drove to Dulles airport, but now that I am here, I am ready to be back. Going to the funeral was more of a reminder about reality here rather than a bad omen in my view.

I last posted almost 2 weeks ago on our summer break so I will try to bring you up to date. I will say that the vacation was about as perfectly choreographed as one could make it with a very dense schedule of relational time, renewal, and travel, but it really did go off without a hitch. I left off in the last blog in Poughkeepsie. Although it was too short to see all of our friends (sorry Vassar crew) we did enjoy spending several days at Bob and Frances Thompson-Gee's house and connecting with friends. We were able to see our small group on our arrival, but then went to the Poughkeepsie Farm Project (one of our old haunts) on Saturday with Don and Rosaura. We had lunch with them then dinner with Courtney and Anthony Caremeko and their two boys Asa and Alexander. Oren was thrilled to see his buddy Asa again, and I really think he has remembered him even after all of these years.

We were blessed to be able to share the message on Sunday morning at the Poughkeepsie UMC where Rebecca had been a youth pastor. We used the passage at the end of Acts 14 where Paul and Barnabus come back to their sending community as take off point to talk about our work in Burundi the past 4 years. This is a group that really knows and loves us and we appreciated sharing in both services as well as 2 fellowship. For us, one of the mos exciting things to see was just how missional this church has become. We have characterized it as our Antioch. They run many mission trips at home and abroad each year. They have an ongoing relationship with a church in Mexico as well as a regular community service mission trip right in their county (Bridge Builders). Many of their youth have gone off to the mission field in one way or another during and after college as well. It was a great joy to fellowship with them and share our experiences here.

After church we had lunch with our friend Heidi, husband Mike and her sons Taylor and Ryan. (Older pals of Oren's as well.) Oren loved going back to his old haunts and both kids were thrilled with all the different new toys everyone had.

We left Sunday afternoon to return to Baltimore and got there pretty late at night. We did stop at a favorite McDonalds playland that Oren used to love to visit on our trips. We arrived at my parents house and crashed until the next day.

We were down to our last week so we did have to do some shopping on Monday while parents watched the kids. We also were able to do some exercising. I did get to take my long run around Loch Raven several times in the last week. It is something I love to do (about 13 miles) and I have used it often as a way to connect to God. Especially as a preparation. (I ran it on my wedding day, before we left for Burundi many times, etc.) I am thankful that I am not too old yet to do this.

Tuesday we took a trip to Washington DC. The kids loved this because we rode down in the MARC commuter train (which is a double decker train). Then took the Metro to the Smithsonian. They love the museum of Natural History (as I did as a child) and we walked around it most of the day. Oren who really fancies himself to be a paleontologist loved the dinosaur exhibit while David adored the insect zoo and returned to it two times just to have a chance to hold the Madagascar hissing cockroach. (3 inches long.)

We spent time with Rebecca's brother and sister in law on Wednesday, it was great to hang out with them and Oren and David love their cousins Miriam and Gabriel. They played wiffleball and watched movies. The adults talked and we had an excellent grilled salmon for dinner.

Thursday was met with great anticipation because Rebeca and I had scheduled a couple retreat at Charter Hall for 3 days. We arrived on Thursday evening. The kids were divided up, Oren went to his Grandma Jean and Papa Dave's house while David stayed with my parents. Rebecca and I enjoyed perfect days of canoeing, hiking, and relaxing, completely alone. It was a very refreshing break from the kids. They on the other hand had fun going and seeing a reptile exhibit at a library, picking rasberries at a farm, going to playgrounds with cousins and generally having a great time with the Grand parents.

We returned Saturday night, fortunately prepared to preach at my parent's church on Sunday. Valley Baptist is a church my family has been part of for most of 25 years and it is always good to visit. I was invited to preach and was able to share some thoughts on God as a God of the future through the scripture of the Valley of the Dry Bones in Ezekiel 37. Using testimony of challenge and hope in Burundi I hope I was able to provide an opportunity for reflection on how God calls us even here to share in his vision of optimism for the future, that the best is prepared for the next generation, and not to let ourselves become a bunch of cynical old codgers lamenting the loss of the 'good old days'.

It was good to catch up with these folks as well, and we were happy to have visited and shared at our 3 favorite churches in the last 3 weeks of our stay. We ended the evening by providing a dinner for our parents while Paul and Gwndolyn watched our kids. It was good to be able to thank them again for their prayers and support. (and for living so long and being there for the grandkids!)

Monday was definitely a day of preparation for departure and was spent packing and doing last minute shopping. The kids and Rebecca did go with their cousins, Aunt Gwendolyn and Grandma Jean to the zoo though, which they loved. We had our last dinner at my parents house, salmon once again with asparagus which was just what we wanted (neither are available here in Burundi).

Tuesday morning we let the kids have their last bike rides in the streets of suburbia then loaded a minivan to go to Dulles airport. Dave and Jean drove us and with 8 bags were were really loaded down. Fortunately the check-in at Dulles was fairly painless and we had some time to eat some Birthday cake with Grandma Jean before heading through security to our gate.

We anticipated meeting our new SALT volunteers there and with a little discernment were able to pick out 3 young women hanging-out in a group looking excited. They are Janelle, Alyssa, and Teri-Lynn. I will say more about them during the year, but they seem like an excellent trio.

The flight was fine except for David who decided to throw a tantrum on the first leg about just about everything. We were relieved to get him to sleep but because of a tailwind we got to Brussels in just over 6 hours, so the night's sleep was not nearly enough. We spent several stuporous hours in the Brussels airport before boarding our Burundi flight.

We did see several others we knew returning on this flight, most notably Simon Guillbaud and family. He has been out of the country for 2 years so it is exciting to see him again. His kids will be at the Ecole Belge with ours.

Jennifer and Yolanda with SALTers
Alyssa, Terri-Lynn and Janelle
in our living room.

We arrived Wednesday evening and were picked up by Felix with two cars (for all or our luggage.) We did have a scare that one of our bags had not arrived but after filing a report it did show up just as the last car was leaving. We were really happy we did not have to deal with chasing it down on another day.

Orientation began in earnest on Thursday. We were happy to find the house in good order and all of our staff well. David was thrilled to be back to see his dogs. Oren was somewhat morose. He really loves to be in America and coming back is hardest on him.

This brings me back to today. We had received the news of Moise's death enroute to Burundi. Despite our exhaustion and work ahead we knew it was important to show solidarity at this time.

Next week we head upcountry and to Rwanda to drop off our volunteers. Pray that our refreshment from the vacation can carry us through the exhaustion of setting up our service workers in new homes.

NO proofing tonight, will try to fix typos another day.  There were just too many photos to add them all, for more photos of the past 2 weeks click here. (homeleave etc.)

The Guilty Pleasure of Self-Sufficiency and a Family Vacation

"Kowabunga! Surf's UP Dude!"--my brother Jonathan boogie boarding at Ocracoke  Island Beach, NC.


Definitely time to get another post up.  I do a modified writing schedule during home leave because I have thought that our vacation in the US might not be as interesting to read about as our work in Burundi.  But I do remember that we have Burundian and other expat. friends in other countries that probably would like an update.  I also want to have a record of these days as well.  Looking back over last summer's homeleave entries has been inspiring, especially as I find how much my perspective of my 'homeland' has changed from being away for so long.

The biggest challenge that has remained though is the extent to which we filled this vacation with travel.  Although we thought we had done well to limit our activities, I have found that cramming at least two 1 week trips into a 28 day stay has made us feel that we are on the road quite a bit and not really stable.  Don't get me wrong, the opportunity to visit friends and family has been invaluable, but it will probably also make us welcome a return to a more regular, rhythmic routine back in Burundi.

It is good to feel that there are things to look forward to  in returning to Burundi.  There is so much here that is so much more convenient and comfortable--most notably, the way we can walk unnoticed down the street, leave a driveway without opening a gate, go shopping without being asked for money by strangers.  Even occupying a house without having to manage 3 or 4 houseworkers is a relief.  Grassy lawns, public park with playgrounds, sidewalks safely distant from moving traffic are also things I no longer take for granted.  In fact, I was commenting to Rebecca on our long drive to Poughkeepsie yesterday that I regretted that I was not absorbent enough to take it all in, all the beauty and cleanliness here, the green trees, clean air (not smelling of burning charcoal), and even pot-hole free highways with an abundance of food and fuel stops, that we can experience even at 60 miles per hour.

This is not meant to gloss over the many challenges we face as a nation, and I have no desire to add political commentary to my unmediated experience of being here after a long absence, but I think it does one good to be reminded that much of what we take for granted here as entitlements, are actually privileges bought and paid for collectively, and stewarded by our federal, state, and local governments. The contrast to a poor country like Burundi is most notable in this way where good stewardship of the environment and civic infrastructure is minimal to nonexistent.  Security as well is not so much a matter of a well disciplined law enforcement service as a high wall topped with barbed wire, a night guard, and a dog (if you can afford it).

But there are some changes here, even in the relatively brief span of 4 years, I have noticed that my experience in Burundi seems to critique in an interesting way.  It is subtle but I am aware of the extent to which individuals in our culture are becoming more and more isolated from each other, and how much of the technological innovation I have encountered seems to encourage this movement.  Certainly it is evident in information technology, particularly social media networks like Twitter and Facebook, even blogging.  We inhabit in more and more of our time 'virtual communities'.  And while the people in these communities are real enough, we exert far more control and are far less vulnerable in our social interactions than we are in the more brutal 'real world.'  But this was not only evident to me in the information technology domain.  In fact, I have spent many days on the road and have stopped at many gas stations.  I am used to self serve gas, but in the attached convenience stores I found a shocking number of other 'self serve' conveniences,-- coffee, cappuccino, milk shakes, even entire restaurants where one can do short order food through a touch screen.  The very brief interaction with a cashier at the end was the only human contact I found.  I am struck by the extent to which even more machines have replaced the service sector of our economy, especially in convenience stores.  Maybe I am making too much of this, but our desire for self-sufficiency in these places seems to fit in well with this trend of social isolation which enables us to control more and more our social interactions and avoid being vulnerable to others.  Are we moving toward becoming a society of avatars?

I can actually understand the temptation toward this trend, especially when information technology allows us to tailor make 'virtual communities' which agree completely with our sensibilities.  In Burundi, where social interaction is constant and having a moment of privacy is a luxury beyond the reach of most, the idea of having some control is understandable.  As I said above, virtually no one in a home in Burundi is without at least one houseworker.  In a poorer home it is likely to be a 'volunteer' poorer relative.  For us it is a cook, cleaner, and night guard.  All of these folks have lives, hardships, ambitions, and proximity to them makes their business your business.

This goes even more for colleagues, friends, fellow church-members, and acquaintances, in a culture where people rely heavily on non-vitual social networks for very real needs--especially financial ones.  Cross-cultural social interaction can be messy, embarrassing, awkward, as well as deeply rewarding, but it is largely unscripted and one has little control over it.

So all that to say, I am savoring the guilty pleasure of some self-suficient privacy, and shielding from the constant exposure to need that sometimes seems to assault us in Burundi.  I am enjoying not being approached by a waiter, or any person who has an excuse to make my acquaintance to see it as an opportunity to ask for something.  But, I actually don't want to get used to this, or feel it again as an entitlement.  I do think that there is something unhealthy, even dangerous about the trend toward isolation and the radical individualism that is cherished here as a cultural value.

Our old small group reunion.

OK, I did not know I was going to be starting this entry with a sermon.  I usually don't plan ahead what I am going to write.  I do want to report a bit on the activities of the past 2 and a half weeks to share some news with friends.  I am currently writing from Poughkeepsie, New York, our third trip in the past 14 days.  We got here yesterday (Thursday) evening and are staying with Bob and Frances Thompson-Gee (pastor of PUMC and Rebecca's former boss).  We got into town, dropped our stuff off and had a dinner with our old small group.  (Garrett's, McNeill's, Hart's)  It was great to see them though we did see some of them at Rebecca's surprise party 2 weeks prior.  We also actually had a small group prayer and share which was great to do together.  They have continued to meet since we left and it was good to report to them our success in creating such a support group in Burundi as well.

on the ferry

This morning I met with an old friend and spiritual mentor Bruce Hempel who is a part of the KAIROS prison ministry.  It was great to catch up with him and to report back the extent to which my work with KAIROS was probably the most important place of spiritual formation that prepared me for the cross-cultural ministry I am in.  He had news and updates about the work of KAIROS here and a 3 hour breakfast get together seemed like far too short a time to share reflections, joys, and concerns.

Daugthers-in-Law with Abigail.

Backing up from Poughkeepsie, I should mention that we did have a week in Baltimore after Rebecca's party which was filled almost entirely with various doctor and dental visits.  I am happy to say we will be returning to Burundi with clean bills of health.  On Friday (July 27th) our family got in the car and caravaned to North Carolina with Rebecca's brother and sister in law and 2 cousins (Paul, Gwendolyn, Miriam, Gabriel).  Oddly we were heading to different vacations in nearly the same location, the outer banks of North Carolina.  They were going to be with Gwendolyn's family and we were going to spend a week with my family in Ocracoke Island.  We stayed the night at a hotel in NC on Saturday evening.  The kids enjoyed playing together in the hotel room (primarily jumping on beds) while the adults played a card game Rebecca received for her Birthday called 'Dominion'.  I can highly recommend it, but also caution a buyer that it would be best to have someone who knows how to play, teach you how to set it up and use it.

3 brothers in the corner.

We parted ways on Saturday morning and Rebecca and I departed by ferry for Ocracoke Island.  This was my first visit to the outer banks of NC and I have to say, I see why they have such appeal.  Our family arrived first to the rental house where we were staying and we picked up the keys and unloaded our stuff.  The next to arrive was my brother Jonathan and his wife Emma and son Fletcher from Nashville, TN.  My brother Mark with wife Christine and two daughters followed shortly thereafter and my parents finally got there much later that evening having gotten stuck in traffic crossing the sole bridge to the outer banks, a nightmare on Saturday afternoons.

Grandpa and Grammy at the beach.

Once we were all there the vacation really began.  Although one of the families stayed in a nearby house, we pretty much did all of our activities and meals together.  It was great to have everyone on this side of the family together and an increasingly rare event with all of us so spread out.  I don't want to sound like a travel brochure but the outer banks boast some of the most beautifully rustic beaches in the entire country, and even in high season there were relatively few people on the beaches we went to.

My Brother Mark's family

Unlike the exotic coral reef of Zanzibar, the Atlantic East coast beaches are more subtle in their appeal, but their beauty is unmistakable.  There was also a very excellent tidal surf that made for awesome 'boogie boarding'.  Among the very satisfying experiences I had there was the opportunity to teach Oren how to ride the waves and how to dive under the really big ones that would easily crush him and send him in a tumble.  Oren and David both love waves and they had a great time there on the days we spent at the beaches.

We also did other things like ride bicycles, run, a bit of hiking, and many family games (mostly Quirkle, Monopoly, and Dominion) some reading, some watching of the summer Olympics, and a lot of visiting and eating.

Among the more intentional activities we did was afternoon tea for the adults and 2 older girls.  We did have tea, but also took the opportunity to share one by one on a particular topic.  One day we talked about memorable summer vacations of the past, another day we talked about rewards and challenges of the last year, and the last day we shared about hopes and fears for the year ahead.  We ended the last day with some prayer for each other.  It was great to take this time for some intergenerational sharing and to appreciate the time we have with each other.  Maybe living so far from home makes me take these times of togetherness more seriously, or maybe just getting older makes me appreciate them more.  I do feel that living in a place where long life and good health are not guaranteed, the chance to be together with one's loved ones is not to be taken for granted.

food prep.

We returned from Ocracoke the following Saturday and caravaned back with my parents to their house in Baltimore where we stayed for the several days before leaving for Poughkeepsie.  On Sunday we had the chance to go to North Baltimore Mennonite Church, Rebecca's home church in Baltimore, and did a "Missions Moment".  It was good to talk about our work with MCC there, particularly since Ruth Clemens, our friend and boss (Director of MCC International Programs) is also a member there and was there on that Sunday.  Since she and her family had recently visited us, it was good to see them again and remember our time together in Burundi.  We did make an unapologetic appeal for members of the congregation to think about doing a service term with MCC as we are definitely in need of more human resources in our mission.

We spent Monday and Tuesday in Baltimore and the kids got to do a visit to the train museum with Rebecca's parents.  Their cousin Fletcher, who had returned from North Carolina with us (to have a longer visit with Oren and David) accompanied them as did their cousins on Rebecca's side, Miriam and Gabriel.

Tuesday I had the chance to do a long run (12 miles) around a reservoir called Loch Raven.  It is a run I have done at many times in my life, including my wedding day and it is an opportunity for spiritual reflection and renewal.  While I was doing that the boys were taken by Grammy and Rebecca to a mall to get some excellent haircuts (buzz cuts but well done).

MCC office, Colette and Sue.

On Wednesday we left for Poughkeepsie but stopped for a full day in Akron, PA, the home of MCC headquarters where we had a full day of meetings.  (Mercifully the grandparents took the kids for the day to an historic railway exhibit in nearby Strasbourg, PA.

Fletcher introducing Oren to
video games.

We met many people during our visit to Akron, and I mused that we can get a month of work done in a visit there in a matter of hours.  (This is because internet communication still remains slow in Burundi, and getting several people together in one place can be difficult.)  We stayed the night in Akron, and truthfully the MCC USA headquarters has the aesthetic feel of a retreat center as does the quiet rural town.  We enjoyed some time outdoors in the evening at a public park and playground when the kids and grandparents arrived before the latter headed back to Baltimore for the night.

That catches me back up to the beginning of the blog.  I probably will not write again before the weekend after our return to Buja in 2 weeks.  We will be flying back with several of our new volunteers.  In our last week, we will be preaching at PUMC (this Sunday) and at Valley Baptist Church in Maryland next week.  In between Rebecca and I have scheduled a 3 day personal retreat together without the kids at Charter Hall.  Having time alone as a couple seems like the one aspect of renewal we still need in our time here.

rainy days did not stop the fun.

I will end with an amusing cultural anecdote.  In our last week in Buja, during our small group meeting, Rebecca was sharing with a Burundian woman, the need we felt for some time alone as a couple.  She nodded in strong approval of the idea and said:  "Yes it is so important as a couple to have time alone.  You will go to your home and have time with your parents, and he will go to his family and you two will have time with your families to remember your childhoods and the good times you had.  Then when you come back as a couple you will be so happy to be together again because you have missed each other."  Not exactly what Rebecca meant, but probably makes a lot of sense to a Burundian woman who moves to the family into whom she has married and may be treated as an outsider in that family with her husband's loyalty more focused on his mother than her.  But I will say, we have both taken the opportunity to have some time alone, with our respective parents, to enjoy the time we have been blessed to have with all of them even to this day.